His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
