Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
