I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
