im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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