We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
