I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
