HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
