you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
