I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
