its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
