The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How drunk are you?
Completed.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
