I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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