3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
