When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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