The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
