yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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