uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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