One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
