I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
