Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
