That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
