I just saw a hot homeless man
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
