She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
