Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
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To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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