the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
