i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
