she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
