There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize