12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
