I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize