those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
