when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
foreskin is a definite game changer
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
