new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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