He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
