This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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