I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
