I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
