Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
