I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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