even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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