If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
