I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
