Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I cockslap morals
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
