I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
