Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
