sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
