We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
