he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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