How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
