I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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