is your mom at the bar?
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
