Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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