i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
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Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
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Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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