Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Randomize
