flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
