i don't like sucking hair
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
