I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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