Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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