rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
