i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
