I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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