I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
