hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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