how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
