What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
