tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
im holly from the hills drunk
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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