Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
