My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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