One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
