That's when you crack a 10am beer
In America we eat man semen.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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