We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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