I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
