Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
