Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
