just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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