grandma shit on top of the toilet
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
