Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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