i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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