Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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