Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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