I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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