The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Enjoy the penises
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