i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
